WhenI was a child, my Grannie would sit and cry.
When I put my arms around her and asked her why…she smiled through her tears with hazel eyes just like mine, so full of intense emotions that tiny little body couldn’t contain them all. They spilled out in her tears.
Finally, all these years later I understand why Grannie cried.
She cried because she grew old and everyone she loved died and left her alone. She cried because of the dreams she never got to live and the life she never dreamed of until it was too late.
Grannie cried because there came a time when no one touched her. She lost her femininity and men stopped desiring her. She ceased to feel like a woman. She lost her identity with her beauty.
She cried because she stopped holding her own babies and held everyone else’s when the woman inside was still young and so maternal longing for her own babes still, not ready to shrivel up just because her ovaries did.
She cried for all the places she never saw, things she never did and all the people who preceded her to heaven. She cried because she ceased being the baby and became the only mommy when her mother left the earth. She cried because she felt helpless in the world that left her behind.
I finally understand why Grannie cried. I am old now and I can’t stop crying either…