Ironically funny and unrequitedly sad…


My life story would put a real soap opera to shame.  Its unbelievably funny and unrequitedly sad on so many levels even I can’t keep up with the storyline.  So I have decided to spend the rest of the rest writing it all down hoping to become rich having suffered agonizing impoverishment for too long. (Unfortunately that also entails being famous which I loathe being somewhat reclusive, introverted and shy by nature.) 

 

I am a brave person…so I am resigned to do what is necessary to have a voice in this world.  It began somewhat humorously, in my blog https://darlenepurcell.wordpress.com/ and I am letting the heart has its say, sometime painfully in my current novels. (I don’t limit the genre of my storytelling to just historical romance) 

 

I will now shamefully plug my debut novel on Kindle over at Amazon.com  http://www.amazon.com/dp/B009LXV5N8  ((If you could see it in your heart to help an poor old woman support her poor old mother by buying a copy we’d both be eternallly grateful.  And if not…perhaps you might read the excerpt and give a shout out to all your friends who love to tweet!))

 

I’ve had a lot of people ask me lately…”Who are you? Tell me about you!” I reply…”I’m Darlene Purcell”.  Then I go blank.  Not because I haven’t lived a remarkable, passionate, beautiful, full life with all the usual job and titles.  Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Wife, Mommy, Artist, Musician, Singer, Writer, Animal Rescuer, Hospice Home Health Aide, Bookkeeper, Business Owner, Perfect Homemaker and Peanut Butter Cookie Baker…well the list has ben endless as it should be over the span of 55 year in this coming November…

 

But those titles ceased to exist a few years ago as everyone I have ever loved and been close to suddenly ceased to exist on this planet and left me behind. All that I spent a life time working for ceased to matter either.  My heart was/is so broken I have been numb and empty.  Working, like a zombie, doing what I am told and sleeping the rest of the time, too apathetic to do much else.

 

Recently, there was a moment in time when I was forced to begin living again, or to face my own demise.  I had to make a conscious choice to move forward.  Everything in my life was surreal.  Added to that an Ice Storm blew in five years ago and pine trees leveled my home, land, all of my possessions and I was left destitute with nothing.  So was my elderly mother who was living with me at the time. 

 

Then my 23 year old daughter, Crystal Xzan was horrifyingly diagnosed in the final two weeks of Cancer. She fought bravely for more time with chemo and radiation and we shared another eleven months, the most poignant of our lives.  She knew me better than I knew myself.  Began a bucket list that she was determined I should complete before I left this world.  She knew I was going to be too heart broken to stay without a clear plan to keep me here…and she was right.

My father left six months later…and so many others I love and was close to.  There is no one left now but me and my mother to share the ups and downs together in person.  Every morning I wake up in this economy longing to provide her with more comfort.  We have barely managed between us to come up with money to pay the bills and we have never had enough to replace the furniture or other things we lost.  We both have a bed.  She has a tv.  And between us and those who left this world, we have inherited too many felines to count, who depend on us too.  Necessity has forced me to live beyond my wildest dreams.  In surviving I have nothing left but to have hope, reach for the stars and believe that I am as good as anyone else and that Imagination does create reality..with a little elbow grease.

 

There are no words to express the emptiness of this world without my only child sharing it.  Or the changes that have ensued as the role I now play in life has forced me to move forward leaving her a memory in the distance that will haunt me forever. 

So when someone asks, Who are you?  I just smile and tell them, “I’m Darlene Purcell…” and thats who I am.  Just me in the moment. 


Life goes on in rural Oklahama, where I reside with my amazing at every age mother, Peggy, our herd of inherited furry purrys, one totally devoted, hyperactive black giant pup who doesn’t remember he lives down the street with other people, constantly marking things off of my never ending, ever evolving, child dreamed it up to keep my heart busy, bucket list. 

 

I was asked to write this for David’s blog and keeping with his theme…of FIVE THINGS TO DO TODAY… here is my input…

 

1.  Say I love you TODAY to those you do love…you never know when it could be the last time you get to say it to them.

 

2.  Get a good night’s sleep.  With it you can think clearly, work hard on your goals and move forward in to your real dreams. 

 

3.  Nothing is forever.  If you lose everything, start rebuilding TODAY and don’t let it destroy YOU.

 

4.  Do something meaningful that you keep putting off.  You will be happier for it.

 

5.  Face your fears, be real, be honest with yourself and others, be unashamed to be who you are really are and carpe diem!  This is your life!  Take control of it and live it the way you want it to be.  In the end, it will be you alone and whatever you do now to plan for that future is what YOU will have.  So be bold and daring!  Love yourself enough to be generous in creating what is most important to you!  Then you will have something wonderful to share…

 

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